Tuesday, May 25, 2010

What is it about you that makes me act like this?

I made Baked Macaroni and Cheese for dinner today. I know why I did it, but it was still a terrible idea. It was almost 90 degrees out and here I was with the oven on full blast, boiling macaroni and stirring a hot pot of cheese. If you were ever wondering what meal is the worst to prepare in the heat, Baked mac and cheese gets my vote. But my husband asked for it and so I made it.

It's funny, sometimes I would laugh in his face and call him an idiot for even suggesting it, and other times (like today, apparently) I'll do it just because he asks. Sometimes, like today, I'm an awesome wife. I make him snacks for when he wakes up and I decorate bags like this one.

But other times, I'm seriously mean. At those times, "Please don't leave me" by P!nk becomes my theme song. "I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of really anything, I can cut you into pieces" Just about says it all.

So sometimes I'm an awesome, kickass wife and other times I'm a not so awesome get away from me or I'm gonna kick your ass wife. There must be a happy medium and hopefully eventually I'll find it.

Until then, every once in a while, I'll bake my husband mac and cheese on a 90 day and leave him love notes on his lunch bags. God only knows he deserves it, and right now I'm all about trying to appreciate what I have.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Sunday Snippets

1. I'm so grateful for all the support I got about my last post. It means a lot.

2. On that note, remember to hug the ones you love, don't take any time with them for granted.

3. I spent a lot of time this week with a certain couple of people I love. One of them learned a new trick called hitting. It was interesting to see her thinking things through and her behavior evolve (not necessarily always for the better) as I tried to teach her that "We don't hit. We do gentle with out hands." :P

4. Back to my first note - Quality time doesn't have to be sappy. As I mentioned in this post, swearing at each other can be a bonding experience too. Like when I told my SIL to eff off as I waved goodbye today. It makes some people (like my MIL) cringe, but it works for us.

5. According to our Children's Museum membership, my SIL and I are a couple. We have three kids ages 12, 6 and 1. We were apparently very busy teenagers! (In related news, I'm a Children's Museum member which means I can bring a bunch of people with me whenever I go, so tell me if you want to go - I'm not averse to be used when I get to spend time with people!)

6. I got a Venus Fly Trap from the Children's Museum today. I captured ants from the yard and sadistically giggled as I fed them to it. I can't wait until it opens again so I can feed it again! Maybe I'll video it, it's very cool! Don't they look wonderfully monstrous?

7. My cleavage can double as a cup holder. This come in handy when we go to Sonic and order twice as many Rt 44's as we have cup holders.

8. I found this in the back of the fridge this week. I was both horrified and fascinated by how much mold there can be while seemingly fresh strawberry is still there.

9. I went on a spider killing spree a few nights ago. My BIL couldn't step up to the plate so through hyperventilating I grabbed the Lysol and sprayed 3 spiders to death. I threw another one out the door on the end of my pizza board. For a few moments I had my shit together and was a killing machine! Then I got all twitchy and paranoid. These were spiders of doom and I'm convinced these were sent to get me by the Spiders of Death.

10. I can't think of anything else so here're some pictures of my gratuitously cute niece :)

11. I meant to only go to 10 but I forgot to mention that I went to the Hot Dog Safari today. It was a bit of a let down compared to previous years. They raised the price $5, which is fine, it's for charity anyway, but they also made drinks $1 which would have been fine if it hadn't been small cups of yucky fountain soda. My big qualm was that it didn't open at 9am like it usually does. It opened at 12 this year and it was a big crowded mess. Usually we've come and gone by 12 when it becomes a madhouse and it just wasn't as enjoyable with all the rudeness in the crowd. That didn't stop me from eating copious (read: too many) hot dogs, cups of pot pie etc.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

What goes around doesn't always come around soon enough...

It feels so wrong to be posting this. That only a few days after posting such a lighthearted story about my own family that I could be writing a post lamenting the tragedy in another. This morning the pastor from my church died. He had Stage IV colon cancer. He was young, his wife is young, they have three young boys. Their youngest is around 4 and I'm left wondering how much he will remember of his father. I hope that he will remember a lot. I hope that what he does not remember of him, we will be able to fill in. That we will all remember him. He was kind, so very smart, and seemed to have a special talent for getting people hyped about the goodness and joy that we experience and how to share it. He and his wife are some of the friendliest, most gracious and caring people I have ever had the honor of meeting. It sounds cliche, to be sure, but I swear to you it's true. They are better people than I could ever imagine being.

I watched his sons grow up, I remember his oldest boy as a baby, coming home from Brazil on a mission trip that my husband went on when we were in High School. The next time I saw him, he was nowhere near a baby and he had two younger brothers. I marveled at how a few short years changed things. I marvel now at how a single day can change things. It is incredibly unreal to me that I will never agin see him walking down the hall, that he will never again ask me how I've been and I will know without a doubt that he cares about my response. He was the sort of person that made you want to do things with your life just so that you could make him smile, but you knew that if you didn't he would think nothing less of you.

I try to believe that people get what they deserve; what goes around comes around. For this awesome family, this couldn't be further from the truth. His wife certainly does not deserve to be a widow, to raise their children a single mother. His parents certainly do not deserve to lose another child. His boys deserve to grow up knowing their father, learning by example to be the sort of man he was. And my pastor? He deserved to see his boys become men, to grow old and grey with his wife, to tell his grandchildren stories about his own parents when they passed. It seems to me that karma has come up short today. That the joyfulness and serenity this family so sorely earned somehow got lost on the way, tied up in red tape and arrived too late. My pastor was not the sort of man who would want anyone to be angry with God at his passing. And yet I can't help but be so confused by this. The why is suffocating. Why, WHY? My only hope is that karma will pull through, that because what they earned was so tragically late, that it will be ten, hundreds, thousands-fold.

Cancer Sucks.

Monday, May 17, 2010

No Euphemisms here!

Consider that your warning.

A few days ago The Queen of Fucking Everything, Crissy, had a little contest. I didn't win but I shared the cake that my aunt got for my mother's birthday and it went over just like a cake that says fuck should. That is, with much adoration.

In my family, we have a special love for the "F" word and we don't believe in being stingy about using it. We aren't stingy about any curse words really. Douche has practically become a term of endearment. Tack something on to the end of it and you've got yourself something really special. There're the regulars of course Douche-Bag, Douche-Nozzle, Douche-Cunt etc. But then there're the fun ones like Douche-Ranger, Douche-Canoe, Captain-Douchey-Cuntlips-McDoucherson. Not really on that last one, I just got a little excited.

Anywhos. Fuck has always had a special place in our family but it wasn't until this past Christmas that it became the out and out theme for our celebrations. It started when my mother told her boyfriend "Your present's in the bag in the floor in the other room. I didn't wrap it." She didn't mean it to sound as bad as it did (I think), but nonetheless it sounded pretty bitchy. My response was "Jeez, Merry Fucking Christmas..." and the angels sang. We started throwing fuck in anywhere and everywhere we could

Mom: "Pass me the fucking potatoes."
Me: :while passing them:"Fuck you, Bitch get the fucking potatoes yourself."
Mom: "Shut the fuck up, Ya Douche!"

It was like a game to see who could be more appallingly vulgar and we all won with flying colors. One might think this would lead the fights and drama but shockingly it was one of the least dramatic holidays we've had. My theory is that Fuck just needs to be said, and if you don't say it happily then you're going to wind up saying angrily.

Needless to say, once the gates were opened there was no going back and the Happy Fucking Holiday has spilled over into the rest of the year. My Aunt totally won this year for my mom's birthday. You could say she "Out-Fucked" us all.

She bribed (literally) the little italian lady at the bakery into writing this on my mom's cake.

Gave her her gift in this bag.

And gave her this card.

So yeah, she won that round but I'm gonna bring the heat for her birthday this summer.

And since it's come to my attention that not everyone has seen this, here you go. Watch it, learn it, take it to heart.

This post is long, but it's full of FUCK - So who cares?!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Sunday Snippets

1. So much for that meme helping me post regularly :P

2. I have an excuse. I swear it's valid!

3. It has to do with this.

4. And a certain sister-in-law graduating.

5. So I was in Albany this weekend. Which means I got to cuddle with this little munchkin.

6. My SIL was so into her degree and studied so hard that her daughter actually came out looking Korean!

7. Or maybe it's because her dad actually is Korean. The Jury's still out.

8. I kidnapped munchkin and her college graduate mom back to Boston. I have them all week :D

9. This isn't so much a Sunday snippets as me being too lazy to make paragraphs.

10. I don't regret anything.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Five Question Friday

A little meme from Mama M. to help me post regularly :)

1. What is your worst memory of your siblings?

2. What was YOUR naughtiest childhood memory? (Must be something YOU did, no pawning it off on someone else!)

3. Where do you like to go to relax?

4. What was the last thing you won?

5. If you could be on a game show, which would you choose?

1. What is your worst memory of your siblings?
Technically I don't have any siblings but my worst memory of my aunt is when she used to terrify me. Looking back on them it's not so terrible at all and really kind of funny.

2. What was YOUR naughtiest childhood memory? (Must be something YOU did, no pawning it off on someone else!)
Hmm. I don't really remember doing any really bad things which tells you how good I am at repressing things how good of a child I was. I remember climbing up the shelves lining my wall all the time when I was really little. I also remember getting in trouble for something, who knows what, and sitting on my bed after being punished and crying and yelling at my mom that nobody loved me and proceeeded to name everyone I could think of who actually did love me and say that they didn't. I don't know what I hoped to gain from this. Apparently she was supposed to believe that and feel bad.

3. Where do you like to go to relax?
I like being in nature. Going camping or hanging out at the beach. Just being able to be outside and do nothing in particular is relaxing to me. However that doesn't work in the winter because I hate the cold so then I like to just drive around aimlessly. It's my way of being out of the house and away from people without freezing to death.

4. What was the last thing you won?
I actually don't remember at all. I won my last game of Tap Tap Revenge against Ben. Does that count? Quick! Somebody give me a prize!

5. If you could be on a game show, which would you choose?
Who Wants to be a Millionaire! I have tons of random knowledge. Barring that, Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy - But only on the easy nights :D

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Happy Birthday to Me...

Have you ever had one of those birthdays that just doesn't feel like your birthday? That's how my birthday was this year. And that's not to say that I didn't have fun, because I did. In fact, I claimed the whole weekend because my birthday was on Monday. We had two great barbecues, spent a day a the flea market, (if you're ever looking for "confuse" scented incense I know where to find 'em) rode around in my friend's convertible, had an awesome Konditor Meister cake, and had an all around good time. My husband even took the next day of work so we didn't have to come home and go to bed by 6:30 - Score!

And I went to Coldstone Creamery for the first time! Thanks to the Boil Water order that Boston was under until today, they couldn't actually use the stone and mix anything in so it was underwhelming. I mean their Ice cream is good, but holy god is it expensive and Dorchester happens to have it's own little gem of a "homemade ice cream with mix ins" place of its own that was around long before Coldstone, the Ice Creamsmith. So I'm more than a little biased.

My skepticism shows, right?
That lovely little hat I'm wearing was my husband's present to me. As well as a bunch of pastries from Konditor Meister.

Raspberry Mousse Cups and Chantilly Swans. The Chantilly Swans didn't make it to the photo-op.

But it never felt like my birthday. It sucks a little bit but I'm okay with it. I was never really hyped up about it so it's not really a big let down. It's more of an oddity than anything. Why am I so blase about it? Who knows. Anyway, in a few weeks my Sister in law and are are having what we're calling a joint birthday party (her's was a week before mine) but what is really just an excuse to have cake. Two cakes, in fact. Maybe more; I can't make any prmoises about our ability to self-control. I had fun, I had cake and I'm going to have more fun and even more cake in a few weeks and that's what birthdays are all about anyway.

But if anyone asks, I'm blaming it on the fact that my birthday was on a monday. Mondays ruin everything.

P.S. Birthday Candles with your name on them seem like a really cool idea until you light them and they melt dramatically while everyone is singing and then it goes from fun to kind of feeling like you're being ritually burned in effigy ala Frosty the snowman.