Saturday, September 25, 2010

So, it turns out I'm a terrible person!

I never thought it would be easy living with my In-Laws.

I also never thought it would make me so cray-cray.

I grew up in a house full of people so living in another house full of people shouldn't be so bad, right?
Turns out, not so much.

I love Ben's family, honestly I do. I'm very very lucky with the people that were brought into my family when I married him. I just don't love living with them.

To be fair, my own mother and I didn't live together very well. Our relationship improved a lot when we had our own spaces.

I'm not sure what it is about living where I am now that's driving me so crazy but something is. I have a hard time mentioning it to most people because it sounds like I'm bashing my In-Laws and I don't want that. They're great people and I'm truly grateful for everything they are doing for us.

But even loving them and being crazy thankful isn't stopping me from losing my mind. I think part of the problem right now is being home too much. Which is why I'm getting a job. Being home the greater majority of 24/7 with the same two women will drive anyone bananas I think. Even if we don't interact all the time, it's just too much time around people.

The habits are different, their entire family culture is different and it's beginning to wear. And like anything in the past, my time with my own family gets glossed over, the bad times hidden away and suddenly it seems like such a better option.
Then I remember the screaming matches and laugh at my own stupidity.

I think I just don't do well living with other adults. I know part of this is not having my own space. Yes I have my bedroom but that's really just Ben's room, not much about it has changed since he moved in there as a kid. And technically I have the back room, my old bedroom, but right now thats just our storage room and guest room. I can't do much to it to make it my own and even if I did it would have to be open to guests.

Which brings up another thing I knew about myself but didn't really. I'm an only child. I have a touch of only child syndrome.
I didn't think I really did but I guess I do. I don't like sharing my stuff. Or rather I don't like giving out open license to share my stuff. I don't like that my helmet is the nicest one in the garage so it gets used whenever someone wants without asking me. I don't like that my car gets used without asking me. And my stuff includes my plans and whatever it is I'm doing at this very moment. I don't want to every day explain whats happening when I leave the house and who I'm going with and when I walk in the house talk about how it was and if I liked it and what it was like - Oh my god enough! If I want to share, I'll share. I know you're curious but for the love of god the constant game of 20 questions is killing me. I realize that this is part of being in a family but I'm having control issues.

I don't like that I'm having issues with this, it makes me feel crappy. Ben's family are good people, we can't be annoyed with good people right?

But I am and I need to find a way of dealing with it because I'm far to practical for anything else. The fact is, living here is saving us a lot of money that would otherwise be lost to rent and bills. When we come out of this, we'll have (hopefully, if things go right) a big down payment and be able to start things off smoothly. I know these things and I'm very attached to these things. To write huge checks out every month knowing that I could be living mostly cost free would kill me worse than living here does.

Every now and then though I just need to vent.

Friday, September 24, 2010

You're a Kitty!!

There are so many things I need to talk about. The fact that I'm making changes about what I'm eating and losing weight (and fighting myself every step of the way), the awesome time I had last weekend, how I'm trying to get a job and may or may not have had a terrible interview at 5am this morning and I'm going to Disney in 29 days, 20 hours, 48 minutes and 42-ish seconds (but who's counting!?)

But all I can focus on right now is this little love muffin.

She showed up on the back porch this morning and hasn't left. And as you can see, she's made herself quite comfortable. And I love her. She obviously belongs to someone, or at least she did. She has a flea collar and is so friendly. Like, - "Oh mah god pet me is that another hand? Why isn't it petting me? Can I sit on your lap? Thanks! Actually this isn't close enough *snugglesnuggle* Closer! Let me turn to a puddle of mush in your lap so I can be as close as possible! Moar Pettings!"- friendly.

The world is obviously tormenting me. I've been wanting a nice lovey kitty for so long. I tell Ben all the time "I just want a nice cat!" Even though we have two cats, niether of them is super lovey. Well Coquetita is, but in a different way. She's so not a lap cat she just wants her head scratched always. But niether of them is what I would consider a people cat. Butterscotch likes mom and he'll use other people when she's not around but I don't think he's particularly friendly.

But this little girl! She's all about being with you, or on you or on what your doing and she isn't so pushy that she won't go away but if you're willing to give her attention she is more than willing to accept it.

And I love her. She's shoft and fluffy and I want her.

And I can't have her.
Even if she didn't already have a home, the other two cats are territorial and mean.

But I still love her.

And I still want her.

And this is why I need my own house.

P.S. If you don't get the reference in the title, go here. It's funny because it's true. Hover over the comic for extra funny :)

Also, I wrote most of this post a few days ago. Bella- short for Bellatrix because this lovey kitty is secretly evil, and because she's so damn pretty- is still coming around and things may be looking up for me. Here's hoping she ends up being mine! She'd be an answered prayer for sure :)