Monday, November 23, 2009

Survey Says- Stripper

I'm beginning to think I've chosen the wrong career. For one, teaching is a lot of work. I'm not really big on a lot of work. I'd much rather be paid lots of money to do, well, nothing really. Secondly, I really really love high heels. And I mean high heels. All of these...

are on my Amazon wish list and they don't even brush the tip of the iceberg. All of these have me drooling over my keyboard. Did you notice the search terms there? Yeah "Bordello Shoes." Don't worry it's a line of shoes, I don't actually specifically search for hooker shoes, they just happen to be what comes up when I find something I like. Another thing that should probably have me looking elsewhere for shoes? The other people who buy these tend to be...different. Which is fine but it tells you something. Fairly often the reviews are made by men. And not "I bought these for my wife" men. Cross dressing men. NEWSFLASH Oh my god you guys I wan't kidding when I said the other people who buys these shoes are different. I was looking for a review I saw last night to show you guys when I came across this little gem:

"My slaves love it when I pace in front of them with these on. The best part is that they're easy to clean - if you know what I mean."

WHO WRITES THAT?! And yet I still love the shoes. I'll admit it, they're stripper, and apparently Dominatrix, shoes, but at least they aren't clear and have goldfish in them or something okay?
But the biggest reason I should be a stripper, the reason that would send me home with thousands every night?

Creepers dig me.

Not joke, I attract the craziest guys out there. Also? Old guys. I was at the deli the other day and the guy who was getting my cheese gave me the package and a slice for me and then said "Goodbye hun, see you tomorrow morning!" in a low sort of voice and winked. My husband was confused. I was too. I don't even know what that means, but it was strange. Come to think of it, I probably shouldn't have eaten that piece of cheese either. but my ability to say no to even the sketchiest of food is a whole 'nother blog in itself. i also didn't share the cheese with my husband despite his protests. It felt too much like betraying my elderly deli man.

So I just need to lose a shit tonfew pounds and work on losing the few scruples I have left and I'll be golden. Seriously, what do you guys think of the name? Golden.... Rod? Or Destiny Diamond? Deysi Lexus Candy Cherry Roxy? Or maybe I can work a few places and have different names. I even have the Shoes picked out already.

P.S. If I go with Golden I'm totally wearing these.


Anonymous said...

I still think slutbag is better.

dirrtyrucker said...

Ummm my wedding shoes were Bordellos :)

Melissa said...

You would.

I forgot about that! I thought those shoes looked familiar, I feel better now :D

Momisodes said...

My mouth is still agape at the shoe review!

I hear you on the high heels though. I love wearing them. Now if only I had an excuse to wear them. But I'm thinking preschool drop off wouldn't be too appropriate :)

Melissa said...

I know right!? I tell myself everywhere is appropriate because I wear them with extra long jeans :D In truth thats the only way I get to wear them because the only place I ever go is school, grocery shopping and work!

Melissa said...

And Sonic. I got to Sonic... A lot. Some*ahem Ms. Rucker up there* Say I have a problem. She may or may not be right.