Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Have you ever had one of those days that starts out great, gets you in a good mood and then turns around and kicks you in the junk? I had one of those days today. I learned something new about myself today. I also made up a word. Heparphobia, hepar from the Greek word for Liver.

Yes, today I learned, in a college science classroom, that I am so not okay with Liver. I always knew it wasn't my thing and just sort of avoided it. Turns out dealing with Liver actually sends me into full blown panic attack mode! Awesome right? As I was sitting waiting for the lab to begin I was playing around on twitter when I looked up and saw four packages of organ meat sitting on the prep desk. At first I was just skeeved out by it (and thought it was kidney) and I tweeted my distaste.

But as I was sitting at my desk listening to my professor go over the lab procedure, I started feeling super anxious. By the time I stood up with my petri dish to get my liver, I was totally light headed and had to sit down again. You guys, I have never freaked out like this. Definitely never in public and not over something so inconsequential. My stomach was doing flip flops and I could feel it grumbling. I was horrified at how my body was rebelling. No matter how much I tried to psych myself up and told myself it was just meat and how people eat it all the time. Each time I had to cut the liver with my scissors or pick it up with the tweezers I felt faint and got chills. My mind knew it was irrational but my body was having none of it. I made it through half of the lab, hands shaking, light headed, hyperventilating and trying not to cry before I gave in. I told my professor what was up and thank god she was understanding enough to give me the results for the remainder of the lab.
It was embarrassing. My class is full of girly girls, nearly everyone was grossed out by it, by I was the only one who couldn't handle it. Maybe that's why it happened. I often roll my eyes and feel like banging my head on the desk at how long it takes the majority of them to grasp what I see as the simplest concept. But apparently there are things that they are far more capable of than me. I'm a firm believer in karma, what goes around comes around and this was pretty humbling. So, I'll take the lesson, but I'm not taking this new phobia lying down. It's meat for heaven's sake and writing a post about it should not leave me feeling as emotionally drained as it has. Phobias are silly things. I know spiders are harmless and yet I accept that the way they walk and move will forever send shivers down my spine. Something inanimate like this though? No. I may never ever in a million years touch Liver again but I refuse to let thinking about send me reeling.


Momisodes said...

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I think I felt the same way when we had to dissect a frog. I have a horrible phobia of frogs. Even seeing a photo of them on a computer sends chills up my spine! I have no idea why it happens.

Glad to hear your teacher was understanding.